HORROR-SCOPES: 2025 Edition.
Happy New Year my beauties, I’m back! That’s right, just like herpes and bad Amityville movies, you can’t get rid of me that easily. Since we last met, I’ve been on a spiritual journey of self-discovery and have spent many, many hours discovering myself, just for your benefit. Last year my spirit guide, Julie, and I provided you with some sage, heartfelt advice for the year ahead and let you know which horror icon was your personal guide for the year, and we are back with some more horror-scopes to help you navigate your way through 2025. So, sit back, relax and spread open those chakras for me and let’s get spiritual.
Aries (March 21 – April 19) - Queen Akasha (Queen of the Damned)
Aries, being the first sign of the zodiac, naturally assumes a position of status and self-importance and they’ll be the first person to let you know it! Imbued with a sense of leadership, Aries are natural-born leaders, often found at the forefront of any group, with a band of followers that are drawn to them intrinsically. Much like the Queen of the Damned, Aries possesses a powerful charm and is fuelled by their sense of status and driven by ego leading to them flying off the handle at a moment’s notice if they’ve been wronged. Best to stay on their good side unless you want to be getting a full 360 view of your own heart. Once Akasha and Aries set their sights on something (or someone), there's no escaping their pursuit and nothing or no one, even sexy vampire men in tight leather trousers, can make them lose sight of their goal.
The sound of nu-metal fills the air, and Julie is swaying towards me dressed in quite a skimpy number. She wants Aries to know that they need to be wary of those around them in 2025. People who may seem loyal to you might have ulterior motives. Remind them of who you are and remember the world is your garden.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20) - The Djinn (Wishmaster Series)
Taurus has an uncanny ability for getting exactly what they want, whether through the use of dark magic or just pure persistence. Similar to the Djinn using their natural charm to tempt someone with a wish, a Taurus knows exactly how to tempt you into giving them exactly what you want. A Taurus is a master at plotting and scheming, paired with their determination and relentlessness, a Taurus' power lies in their ability to make you see things their way, often leading to them being quite solitary beings, hiding away in their own secluded spot, or dimensional prison. Just don't try to rush a Taurus; much like the Djinn, they operate on their own timeline, and no amount of wishing will change that!
Julie needs you to stop being so selfish in 2025 Taurus. Do you really need to manipulate others to get what you want? I mean, you do you, but torture can be a bit much. Oh, and clear your throat a bit more often, your voice is starting to sound a bit gravelly.
Gemini (May 21st – June 20th) - Monstro Elisa-Sue (The Substance)
Twin personas amalgamated into a being like no other, Gemini and Monstro Elisasue are a force to be reckoned with. As long as the balance is respected, Gemini are often pleasant and a delight to be around but if there is a serious misuse of their kind nature then be expected to see them unleash their wrath. Gemini are unmatched in adapting to any situation and they will always find a way to use their dual nature to influence the environment around them to further achieve what they want. A free spirit, a Gemini values their independence and freedom above all else and they will not be tamed, no matter how much you can try to supress them. As confident as a Gemini can appear, their dual nature can lead them into periods of self-doubt but all you need to do is give them a pep talk, tell them to pump it up, and they’ll be right as rain in no time.
Julie has just donned some electric pink spandex and put her hair in a high pony and buggered off but just before she disappeared, she wanted me to tell Gemini that in 2025 you need to CON-TROL YOUR-SELF!
Cancer (June 21st – July 22nd) - John Kramer (Saw Series)
Cancer is one of the most creative and inventive signs of the zodiac and they need to find the right outlet to fully express themselves, whether that is through a touch of watercolour or through intricate traps that torture and maim people. A Cancer has a knack for detail and like to believe that their sensitive nature actually affords them to have a deep understanding of human nature, often leading to them taking quite minor inconveniences as personal attacks that need to be punished in a rather dramatic way. Don’t let a Cancer’s cold exterior fool you, deep down they only have your best interests at heart, so they claim, and will always try to get you to be the best version of yourself. They’ll construct emotional, and sometimes physical, traps that should ultimately lead you to learning a lesson that you need to learn.
A ghostly white face appears in front of me with glowing red eyes, riding a squeaky tricycle – this could be my end dear readers! Oh wait, it’s just our Julie at a spin class! She’s wants you to get out more in 2025, Cancer. Stop staying inside playing your silly little games.
Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd) - Art the Clown (Terrifier Series)
A terrifying attention seeker with a flair for dramatics? No one embodies the Leo energy as much as Art the Clown. Extravagant and full of panache, they always stand out in a crowd, and they love nothing more than to entertain. A Leo knows how to make an entrance and certainly knows how to leave an impression, whether that is through a prolonged act of misogynistic torture or an eye-catching outfit (although an icy white clown suit is a bit much). This natural theatricality bleeds into their temper which is supernaturally short so approach them with caution but, as tempestuous as a Leo can be, you will never have a dull moment around them and they’re the life of every party.
I don’t want to pop your balloon, Leo but Julie needs you to grow up and stop clowning around in 2025.
Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd) - Billy Loomis (Scream)
Meticulous, practical, and cunning; Virgo always has a plan whether that is framing your girlfriend’s dad in a series of shocking murders or a simple shopping list – they really do have a plan in place for everything. Virgo has very high standards, of themselves and certainly of others, which means they are extremely selective over their friend groups and will often only have a small inner circle who they allow to see behind the mask. Known for their intensity, which can be both charming and intimidating at the same time, you will never forget an encounter with a Virgo. They apparently make the best lovers so if you want to take your relationship from a PG13 to something a little more R-Rated, be assured that an encounter with a Virgo will be a scream.
You’ve got to get off the phone and start living in the present, Julie says. But enough from her, on a very serious note: if you look like Skeet Ulrich then you need to slide into my DM’s. Now…
Libra (September 23rd – October 22nd) - Julia Cotton (Hellraiser Series)
Ruled by Venus, if a Libra falls in love or lust for you then not even death can get in their way. They have a certain supernatural allure that people are drawn to, and beneath that charm lies a passionate and sometimes dark intensity. The one thing about a Libra is…it’s never enough. They always want more! More love, more wealth, more blood. They are fuelled by emotion and desire, which means they don’t take time to see the bigger picture. An incredible thing about Libras is that they are the sign that is most at ease with oneself, they often lack self-doubt and rarely feel that they are in the wrong; very comfortable in (or without) their own skin.
Be wary of a beautiful face, Julie warns, they’ll just end up dragging you into their own hell. Also, consider changing your mattress this year.
Scorpio (23rd October – 21st November) - Nancy Downs (The Craft)
Independent, passionate, and downright crafty, Scorpios are the boldest sign of the zodiac. Authenticity is everything to a Scorpio so if you are not being your true self or they feel you are keeping something from them then be prepared to be on the receiving end of quite a nasty curse – magical or otherwise. Scorpios are ruled by their emotions and their mood can shift in a moments notice so it’s best to stay on your toes around them. Although they may put on a tough appearance, they are fiercely loyal to those who show loyalty to them in return - but even in their own coven, they will turn on those who show the smallest sign of disloyalty. A relationship with a Scorpio is like nothing you will ever experience again because when they fall, they fall hard. Expect to be worshipped, as long as you treat them right.
Scorpio, Julie wants you to be a bit more forgiving in 2025. When a guy says he’s sorry, he’s sorry, he’s sorry!! Maybe hear him out.
Sagittarius (November 22nd – December 21st) - Leprechaun (Leprechaun Series)
Sagittarius is the most adventurous and creative sign; they’ll pogo their way into any situation with an ironclad determination and steadfast confidence. Materialistic and possessive over things they cherish the most, like their loved ones, friends, and gold, you will find that double-crossing Sagittarius rarely ends well, and they’ll find new and inventive ways to get their revenge on you. Try as you will, try as you might, argue with a Sagittarius and you’ll lose the fight; they are known for never backing down and their unpredictability will often throw people off guard. Sagittarius is that one person that you never want to owe money to, because they are the type that will come to you looking for every single penny and coin that you owe them. Split an Uber with them? They won’t let you ever forget that £5.21 for as long as you live!
Julie stresses the importance of setting realistic goals for 2025, Sagittarius. Those lofty ambitions might seem like they’ll take you to space but is that really something that anyone needs?
Capricorn (December 22nd – January 19th) - Candyman/Daniel Robitaille (Candyman Series)
Never cross a Capricorn. The most ruthless and resilient sign that will hold a grudge that not even death is able to put a stop to. Often perceived as cold and callous, Capricorns simply won’t let just anyone close to them, not until they’ve really sunk their hook into you. Yet as distant and enigmatic as they can be, there is no denying the mysterious appeal of a Capricorn; their supernatural charisma can ooze like honey. Capricorns can cause a great deal of stress for themselves and others by being quite anal (oi oi) and presentation to them, is everything so if you find yourself around a stressful Capricorn then you can usually calm them down by repeating their name (5 times should do it) and restoring some semblance of balance and order.
Julie has a warning for you in 2025, you need to stop listening for what other people have to say about you and step away from the mirror.
Aquarius (January 20th – February 18th) - Brenda Bates (Urban Legend)
Known for their wild imagination, great humour and strong adaptation skills, you will always want Aquarius around if you’re planning something big – like an intricate revenge plot with a strong theme. Aquarius is a survivor, and they’ll keep on getting up, dusting themselves off and starting again, no matter how many times they get knocked down or thrown through a windshield. This is due to their innate stubbornness, and they will absolutely fly off the handle if they don’t get their own way so it’s best to let these pampered princesses get what they want unless you want to find out exactly how inventive that imagination can get.
Julie is worried for you in 2025, Aquarius, you need to start showing yourself off a bit more. Take down that hood, take off that mask and put down that axe!
Pisces (February 19th – March 20th) - Jennifer Check (Jennifer’s Body)
The concept of good and bad & right and wrong means nothing to Pisces, they live by their own moral compass – you could say they go both ways. Because of this, it can be hard to know where you stand with a Pisces, even if you consider them your best friend, just give them some time and go along with whatever their crazy scheme-of-the-week is and they’ll end up bearing their soul to you in no time. Once you have a Pisces on your side, they’ll be your ride-or-die until the very end, and so help any person that wrongs you as a Pisces will have no qualms in tearing out their neck with their teeth. Pisces are always looking to reinvent themselves so don’t be surprised if you see them constantly changing their hair, trying new styles, trying demonic possession for a while – you know, the usual…
Julie sees great things for you in 2025 but in order to get exactly what you want, you must get rid of all the needy people from your life as they’ll only go and stab you in the heart.
There’s a smell of sulphur in the air and the whole place is dripping in ectoplasm so it’s time for Julie and I to leave you. Thank you for taking another trip with me into the spirit world, and we really hope that you pay close attention to the advice we gave to you this year.
2025 is going to be an incredible year here at Superfreakmedia so keep an eye out for what we have in store for you. In the meantime, be sure to check out our shorts on YouTube, go back and listen to our fabulous podcasts and give our social media channels a follow. Oh, and remember, if you’re a Skeet Ulrich lookalike then you can slide into my DMs. As always…
