TOP FIVE VALENTINE’S DAY HORRORS!
Veins are blue and arteries are red, if you break my heart then I’ll tear off your head <3
That’s right folks, Valentine’s Day is once again upon us, and you’ve made the choice to come and spend that with me (I accept gifts in the form of compliments, chocolate and cold-hard cash by the way). If you’re the type of person that gets bored of watching the same old boy-meets-girl-but-messes-it-up-and-then-redeems-himself-ooh-then-they-live-happily-ever-after romcoms each year, then snuggle in close and let me entice you with some more chilling choices. I’ve got a list full of movies that are going to get your blood pumping, your heart pounding and your head spinning.
Valentine (2001)
This 2001 classic really does have it all: a masked killer, interesting twists, fun kills, and Denise Richards. Directed by Jamie Blanks, who brought us the incredible Urban Legend, this is a very loose adaptation of the book of the same name by Tom Shaw and is a complete must-watch if you’re a fan of those Scream-esque movies that dominated the horror genre in the late nineties/early noughties. Featuring a stellar cast (I did mention Denise Richards, right?) and a soundtrack that will absolutely thrill fans of industrial/nu-metal, the story follows a group of friends in San Francisco who are stalked by a killer wearing a cupid mask. Such fun and a tad silly and a gorgeous run-time of 96 minutes, this is definitely one to watch to wind down your evening.
The Love Witch (2016)
This is one for the Lana Del Rey fans out there. Paying homage to 1960’s horror, Technicolor, and shot on 35mm, this film is bloody gorgeous! It combines beautiful sets, costume and cinematography to deliver a kaleidoscope of sensual horror that will leave you bewitched. This film isn’t going to be for everyone, and both the script and editing could have done with some more time brewing in the cauldron - but if you’re willing to give this a chance, you’ll be enthralled with the deliciously dark undertones of this film. The film follows Elaine, our titular Love Witch, who has been abandoned by her husband and her gruesome pursuit of finding new love. I’ll avoid spoiling the film but let’s just say that if you want to give a subtle but stern warning to your partner, snuggle up with them and stick this on.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
Is this a safe space? Can I be controversial? This is the greatest version of Dracula there has ever been and will ever be - there I said it! That’s not to say that I don’t think that Stoker’s novel isn’t a masterpiece because I absolutely love it, but the changes and additions to the story that this movie includes transcends it into something else. Like, pizza is amazing and a margherita is a classic that you cannot fault whatsoever but once you start adding toppings to it? Perfection. Coppola drives a stake into the heart of Stoker’s classic and adds a beautiful love story into the chasm it leaves behind. If you’re looking for something dark, broody, and extremely horny then this is absolutely for you. I do include a warning with this though: watch this alone because once the line “I have crossed oceans of time to find you” is said, your partner is going to seem completely inadequate.
Atlantics (2019)
A supernatural drama romantic drama that is dripping in melancholy, this is an underrated gem that will completely tug on your heartstrings. Directory Mati Diop expertly blends stark realism with the paranormal and has crafted one of the most compelling ghost stories of the modern age. This is perfect for those that like their love stories served with a generous portion of gloom but still want to feel that punch to the heart you get from sickly sweet romcoms deliver. This movie is worth watching for the score alone, which is exquisitely composed by Fatima Al Qadiri and is hauntingly beautiful. I suggest watching this one with a box of tissues and alone, unless you’ve managed to bag someone who can cope with you snotty crying all over them.
Knock At the Cabin (2023)
An adaptation of Paul Tremblay’s hit 2018 horror novel The Cabin at the End of the World that divided audiences, like most of M. Night Shyamalan’s other work. I’m firmly in the camp of this being an exceptional piece of horror cinema and find the love story in this to be utterly compelling. Knock At the Cabin is about a gay couple and their daughter enjoying a peaceful holiday at a remote cabin in the woods when they suddenly find themselves held hostage by four strangers who ask them to do something completely unthinkable. There are some powerful performances by Dave Bautista, Jonathan Groff and Ben Aldridge that really drive home the utterly devastating premise of the movie. The love story between our lead characters, and the love that they have for their daughter is portrayed wonderfully and will make you want to grab your loved one and hold them tight. The dread in this movie is constant and you barely have a moment to catch your breath and I suggest that you watch this with someone you love so you realise how lucky you are to have them.
That’s the end of our little romantic get-together and I hope it was as good for you as it was for me. This list is by no means extensive so if you have any particular favourite horror films to watch during this lovefest of a holiday, be sure to let us know. Remember, horror is not just for Halloween, and as always…
